How do you know when something is your passion?
Three months ago, I was on a trip to San Francisco to take a few shots for
this blog. The day was progressing rather smoothly in terms of sight
seeing, but when it came to photographing fashionistas, I was deprived.
Where was everyone? The wind was mild, the sun barely visible, and the
city was blanketed under a nice gray cloud – the conditions for
photography were excellent.
As the sun crept lower and lower, I began worrying about my shots. Time
was running out and I only had two shots within my 5 hours in the city.
Hurry up Ranier, HURRY! MOVE YOUR ASS! GO, GO, GO! I needed at least
one more good shot. One more money shot. Then I saw the most beautiful
lady, in the most perfect outfit, for this perfect weather.
My heart stopped – as it always does when I see a subject I want to
photograph – I followed this lady and stopped her and her friend, asking if
I could take a shot. I could tell they were in a hurry so I tried my best to
snap something. But as I was snapping, I knew my impatience would
backfire – which it did.
I was off. My camera shook, I was shooting in the opposite direction of
where I was supposed to be, and my camera settings should have been
tweaked. As I stood there in the middle of Union Square previewing the
shots I just took, my throat began to dry, a bead of sweat rolled down my
face and I was pissed. This was the perfect shot, the shot of the night…
and I screwed it up.
I was so mad and upset with myself that I turned off the camera, and
walked right back to my car. I couldn’t take it. The shear disappointment
left me feeling like I was a failure, a loser, a total noob at my craft. After I
got into my car, I immediately drove home in shame. As dusk turned into
night, I started to think about what happened that evening.
Why was I really upset? It’s just a picture, right? At that moment it
dawned on me: I really do care about this fashion blog. I may not be
updating as much as I could, nor am I going to San Francisco every week
– but I do care. This blog, this fashion blog that I’ve actually spent money
on (business cards, website domains, new camera, trips to San Francisco,
etc) yields absolutely 0% revenue. I make zero dollars off this site. NADA!
And unlike the various bloggers out there who produce half assed entries
for the purpose of making a quick buck, I don’t make shit.
I sculpt this blog as my way of creative expression. I used to paint, I used
to draw, and I used to do graphic design – now I photograph fashion. I
guess you can say it’s a hobby, but given the events described above, and
my drive and determination to be the best, I’d say it’s more than a hobby.
To you this might be a waste of time, but for me… this is my passion.